— Posted by Alyssa
Director: Akiva Schaffer
Cast: Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill
Grade: F (-) and an Expulsion
If aliens were to invade the Earth, they should abduct whoever was involved in the making of this movie first and probe them uncontrollably and experiment with their bodies in cringe-inducing ways and show it to the general public so Hollywood will never make movies like this ever again… and that’s being generous.
Always the overachiever and actively involved in his community, a suburban Cosco manager named Evan (Stiller) forms a neighborhood watch group after useless cops fail to investigate a strange murder that occurs at his store. Hoping to gain societal participation in his project, Evan is less than thrilled to discover that the only people willing to participate are a group of slackers that consist of a loudmouthed guy’s guy named Bob (Vaughn), a mentally-disturbed young man with a pocketknife named Franklin (Hill), and a British yutz named Jamarcus. At first the men use this neighborhood watch to drink beer and hang out, but when they discover aliens are among them they have their eyes on a new target. Although they are obviously untrained and unfit to launch their own alien hunt and investigate disturbances, they do anyway and somehow come out successful. But after watching this awful mess, you wish that everyone would have ended up on another planet.
There’s absolutely nothing funny about this movie. It’s just dull to watch and stupid in every way imaginable. Steven Spielberg must be ashamed to see aliens used in such a frankly unwatchable way. I bet E.T. would even turn violent against those who decided to puke this out and have moviegoers pay a ticket price to watch it. This will go in the pile of unforgettable movies that people will never care to watch and if we ever find life on other planets, they are sure to doubt our level of intelligence on Earth if they are ever exposed to this movie. We are going to have to hide it away and make sure the F.B.I. guards it as a secret.