Posted by Jen; 2.5 stars
Director: Peter Berg
I don’t know why I saw this. Actually, I do. My dad and my brother wanted to see it, so I tagged along because hey, free movie. This could have been fairly watchable, but somewhere, somehow it fell off course. I am not one to make good decisions.
It begins with an introduction to Alex Hopper, a down-on-his-luck screw up who gets arrested for breaking into a convenience store in order to get a burrito for a girl he just met. This incident begins their relationship, but also encourages him to join the Navy, like his older brother who he is living with. Because he signs up for the Navy, they give him a complimentary battleship, hence the name of the movie. Well, not exactly, but we’ll get to that.
His lady friend’s father is a commander or someone important in the Navy, and if Alex wants to marry her, he’ll have to do something impressive to win the father’s respect. From this point on, we as the audience know how the movie’s going to end; it’s one of the oldest stories around. And we all like rooting for an underdog. It is when the Navy goes out on their destroyers for training that the aliens strike.
These aliens aren’t given a reason for their attack. They just come after we sent a signal into deep space, because apparently they have all this really cool technology, but didn’t know we existed until we sent out radio waves. They completely destroy one of the ships, which Hopper’s brother was on, and this somehow makes him the commander of the remaining ships, even though he just signed on. The crew, for the most part, respects this decision.
When their last ship is destroyed by alien bombs, the movie no longer cares about making sense, even though a solid plotline was never their objective. The survivors retreat onto the USS Missouri, an old WWII battleship that had been turned into a museum for the past several decades. It’s system is analog, without all the fancy technology of the modern day destroyers, but luckily there are a few WWII veterans who just happened to be volunteering that day, even though there’s an alien invasion going on. With the help of these veterans, and because this museum is fully stocked with gasoline and ammunition (really, a museum?), they are good to go for round 2.
Even though his brother was killed, and most of the people he knew in the navy had died, and Earth had just been invaded by hostile aliens with advanced technology, the underdog comes out on top and manages to save the day. Because that’s how it goes in real life. I actually think it would have been better if it had been directed by Michael Bay. Not because it would make more sense or anything, but because at least you’d get to see enough explosions and partial nudity to make up for it. And on a side note, I was glad that Rhianna didn’t play a slut or was cast merely as eye candy for the film. I think she tried just a little too hard to be a badass, but I’ve seen worse acting.